He gets the gold!

There is nothing more rewarding than being a mother and watching your child succeed and excel at something he loves. Today was one of those times. My baby, at the tender age of 10, finished his ski racing season on top. Not only did he bring home a gold medal for the race but finished 1st in the state of NJ and will be representing our state in the regional finals in New Hampshire in a few weeks!

He amazes me.

One Year Later...

I can hardly believe a year has passed. So much has happened in such a short time. Every day was a different emotion. I never knew what the day was going to bring. Is today going to be a good day or not. It was very difficult living like that. I hurt all the time even on the good days. I felt very alone, angry, sad, confused, frustrated, scared and at times stupid. But at least I felt something, I wasn't numb anymore. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep I couldn't DO anything it seemed. My mind was never where it was supposed to be. I look back at all those days and it's like they were surrounded in a fog and I was on auto-pilot. The only thing that got me through were those brief moments when nothing else mattered. They were the reason I kept holding on.

Fast forward one year later...

Things could not be more different today than they were then. So much has changed even my name! This past week marked the ending of a very difficult and emotional time in my life. I am so relieved. For the first time is such a long time I am truely happy. I feel like everything I went through this past year has brought me to where I am today and I am exactly where I want to be. Someone once told me the hardest part of anything is going through it. You can't build a bridge over it, you can't dig a tunnel under it and you can't go around it. You have to go THROUGH it and once you do and look back from the other side things don't seem so bad after all.

OK so maybe it still seemed bad.. but worth it.

Just one

Being an only child had it's advantages....like getting everything your heart desires. It also had it's disadvantages....like you never have anyone to fight with except your parents and then you never win. I always hated being an only child. I desperately wanted brothers or sisters. I thought growing up as an only child was very lonely. I very quickly adopted my friends as my siblings and their parents were also my "other" parents. Growing up I never called my friend's parents mr and mrs they were always mom and dad. The same was true of my parents, they had many "other" kids who called them mom and dad. Still that was never enough for me, although til this day I love my friends (who have actually become my family) with all my heart but I always felt like something was missing in my life.

I shouldn't be such a downer after all it wasn't all bad. After all my parents DID spoil me rotten, AND I learned a lot from being an only child. I learned not to be afraid to do anything by myself. I have no problem going to a restaurant alone or going to the movies by myself. I was NEVER one of those girls that needed company to go to the bathroom..lol
I think in many ways it made me stronger so really I shouldn't complain but you know me I will anyway..lol

Things I Love...

I love your love for animals and how well you take care of them.
I love the loyalty and dedication and love you have for your family.
I love that you are always willing to help someone even if you don't know them.
I love that you put everything and every one's needs before yours.
I love that when we are driving in the car you will always reach over and take my hand.
I love the way my hand fits perfectly in yours.
I love that whatever you are eating you insist I try it.
I love listening to you tell a story.
I love your cooking and watching you create a meal.
I love kissing you and when I do it takes my breath away.
I love that your touch sends shivers up my spine.
I love that when I look into your eyes I melt.
I love that I can smell your cologne on my clothes hours after you leave me.
I love that the second I am away from you I miss you.
I love that when you wake up in the morning and you're still half asleep you give me a little grunt because you're not awake enough to form words.
I love that when I'm in your arms there is no place else I'd rather be.
I love that no matter how much time we spend together it is never enough.
I love that you are the last thing I think of before falling asleep and the first thing I think of when I wake up.

I love you...Happy Valentine's Day baby.

Time

If you want to make changes in your life...you have to make changes in your life! When things change people change too. Not all people, there are those who no matter what happens will stand by you and support you no matter what. I am very lucky to have a few of those kinds of people around me. I needed them. I went through quite a few changes...divorce, never easy but the right decision. A new home, moving is always very stressful but finally comfortable and happy where I am and a new relationship that I treasure and am very grateful for (where have you been all my life??). Although I like to think I'm invincible and nothing can penetrate me...I'm not so it helps to be able to lean on someone when I hurt. So what happens when the person you always turn to when you're hurt, hurts you? I'm having a hard time with this.

"Time heals all wounds"...I'm counting on that.

Special Gifts

Many times in life we are given very special gifts, some we recognize and some we don't. I am very fortunate to have had 3 that are most precious to me...my boys. Although they ARE gifts, each of them has given me something I will always treasure.
MSM (14yr) My first born, he made me a mother, a role my aunt (god rest her) always told me is the biggest joy and the biggest heartache you will ever feel. She was right!
MVM (12yr)- He gave me heart. I swear this kid has the biggest heart I know. He is my Heart.
MPM (8yr)- My baby, who gave me laughter, from the moment he was born he could light up a room with a look and his smile.

I am very proud to be their mom...Thank you boys for the special gifts you've given me.